“Mommy, she has two daddies”: Same-Sex Parenting, A Child’s View
A few Saturdays back, my little Einstein ” I-ask-100-questions-a-minute” and I went to the weekly Farmer’s market here in Providence, RI. As usual, we walked around the stations filled with fruits, vegetables and all kinds of other goodies. And as usual, my little toddler pointed out the obvious, and asked the questions very few dare to ask. As usual too that day, she made a new friend. Her new little dark-haired friend was in the company of her two daddies, as happy as can be.Soon, it was time to grab our big pumpkins and mommy’s pastries and french baguette, and find a way to exit with all our edible luggage…
“Sweetie, say bye to your friend’s daddy?”
“I already did, Mommy…”
“No, her other daddy…”
As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I knew I was in deep trouble. And of course, the questions, the pertinent, innocent questions that packed more punch than all the sterile interrogations of disillusioned adults, ensued:
“Where’s she mommy?”
Ouch… As much as I had come only prepared to answer questions about pumpkins and the color of apples, I knew I had to address this one.
“Well, sweetie, some kids have two daddies or two mommies.”
“hummm…because….because her two daddies love her like mommy and daddy love you.”
And that was it, a simple “oh…ok“, and she had moved on to something else. The simple fact that I told her that her little friend of the day was loved the same way that Mommy and Daddy love her, was enough to her. If it’s enough for a 3-year old to know that the one most important ingredient in a parenting relationship is indeed Love, why isn’t it enough for the rest of us? How do we get to decide what is natural and unnatural? Where do we draw the line between our self-righteousness and right to bear judgment, and the need to live and let live, in respect and the admission that after all, we are not the judges?
As a so-called adult, I was taught that some relationships are acceptable, and others are not. That a mother, a father, and a child, or multiple children, constitute the definition of “family”. That anything else is against Nature.
As one who sees reality in the eyes of my children, what I do know is that we know way less than we think we do. That passing judgment is not up to us, and that Love is the most important consideration of all. That sometimes, just saying “Oh…ok” constitutes the best response, while we wait for God to give the ultimate answer.
This much I know…
Enjoy your day!