Just Married? Yes, that’s post-wedding blues, and it’s ok…
As wedding season is coming to a close, and it’s been a pretty busy one this year, many of us, especially our brides, wonder what too look forward to now!
This now past summer, dear friends of mine, along with dear bro-in-law and my sweet little sis Vanessa, all tied the knot. For many, preparations were in the works for months. The perfect dress, the perfect ring, the perfect flowers, the perfect music, heck, the perfect chair covers, all minute details were looked over again and again…and again! And the magical day happens, filled with fairy tale moments, emotions galore, and yes, it was perfect, perfectly you and him, perfectly married now and for ever! CUT!!!
Now, days, weeks, and months later, now what? Can we rewind and just remain in this fairy tale state of things, and never ever leave, please…
According to a 2011 survey by The Knot.com and as reported by the MSN Glo website, during the year leading to their nuptials, most couples spend about 10 hours engrossed in wedding-planning stuff. And with weddings costing nowadays $27,012 in average (that’s more than the median average income in the US), expectations seriously intensify! Most women feel like their dream wedding has now come to reality…and passed, so now what? After all this excitement, all this planning, and especially after relishing being the center of attention for a while, now what?
I remember laying in bed the day after my own wedding, some four years and change ago, wondering when I could get married again! I know, too soon…No wonder dear hubby is forever catching me literally drinking in shows like “Say Yes to the Dress“, or “My fair Wedding” with David Tutera, cooing and gloating over some stunning dress or magical decor, crying my eyes out watching totally random strangers on TV tie the knot…and asking him, in the midst of my snotty hiccups, “Can we get married again?” I usually just get the eye roll, the shoulder roll, some kind of nonchalantly disapproving roll that lets me know that my request has not even been considered…oh well…
In our modern culture where we tend to treasure the end objective way more than the actual journey leading to it, the after-effect of wedding planning may seem daunting, at first…I still remember how a phenomenal girlfriend of mine turned her entire wedding planning into a giant celebration before the actual celebration, picking a different theme for each meeting with her bridesmaids and hosting crafting parties filled with wine, cheese and stunning hand-made favors. Well, for the rest of us mere mortals, after months of administrative meetings, phone calls and emails, what is there to look forward to in the immediate future?
It is not that we are necessarily unhappy after the highs of the wedding celebration, absolutely not! However, it is important to remember that marriage is a hugely significant transition in our lifetime. In many cultures, it is still considered one of the most important rites of passage. Even if you’ve lived with your hubby prior to your nuptials, marriage still is not, as frequently and in my opinion erroneously put, just a “piece of paper”, or even better, a mere change in your Facebook status… No, it certainly is one significant, highly tangible step into a different phase of our lives.
And as with any transition, it should be properly acknowledged and intimately processed in order to be complete. So in more ways than one, the infamous post-wedding blues is not only normal, but should actually be recommended as a necessary, albeit slightly unpleasant, milestone into post-wedding life… One that we can successfully overcome with a few tips, garnered from personal experience and some pretty interesting literature, courtesy of MSN.com:
- Reconnect with yourself, the new and real you, that is: So go on and lay in bed in your “rainy day” pajamas, watch reruns of “Sex and the City” while eating chocolate (yes, the diet is over), whatever it takes to re-source this new you. Yes, you are married, everything went fabulously great, take a deep breath, screaaaaaam, and now….relax!
- Reconnect with your pals: All those months of hardcore planning and anxiety-ridden to-do lists did not leave much time for friendly chit-chatting and girls’ night out…So pick up the phone, call, text, facebook, tweet, send smoke signals, whatever tickles your fancy…Just plug back into your old pal network, and catch up on some serious gossip…you know you want to!
- Skills, skills, skills: these skills that you’ve just acquired planning the biggest event of your life, well, time to recycle! Have wedding planning advice! Help a friend in need, write a blog! Become a decorating maven? Turn your talents into a part-time gig. Or just have some plain ol’ fun with all this stuff you now know…you’re so fancy huh?
- Last but not least, look forward…in your hubby’s eyes: You know the famous saying, “Love is looking in the same direction.” Well, hon, bust those eyes open and start looking, because you have a whole bunch of new exciting adventures awaiting you and dear hubby…Lounging all day on Saturdays watching old movies, having naked Sundays a la Christina Aguilera, hiking up the Himalaya (hmmm, not for me…), or just nesting and picking baby names (no pressure!), dream up, make plans (or not)…
As for me, I’m gonna refrain from compulsively planning my renewing of vows ceremony. And honey, if you’re reading this, no, we cannot renew our vows vicariously through other people’s nuptials…not cool…
On this blues-y note, happy Wednesday!
Have you experienced post-wedding blues? How did you feel?